“Table for three, please.” A man with a particularly stiff looking face spoke to a waitress at Neely’s Pub.
“Sure, right this way.” She led the man to his table, but fought the urge to look back at him. She didn’t get a good look until they had arrived at a vacant booth, “Here you are sir.”
She didn’t need to look for very long to figure out what seemed strange about him. He looked like he was made of metal, stiff and pragmatic. He looked more like a robot than a human.
Noticing that she was trying to look closer at him, the metallic man pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, covering up more of his face. “Thank you very much.” He spoke through the handkerchief before making an effort to blow his nose, hoping to make the gesture seem more convincing.
Before long, two more men came in, each entering the diner individually, wearing the exact same trench coat that the first man had.
“I’m here to meet two of my friends”, they both said.
As the waitress led each of them to the same booth, she tried to get a better look at each of their faces, just as she had with the first. With her curiosity very much piqued, she wondered if they were all a part of some local art convention, with their skin painted to look like they were each made of metal, glass, and wood respectively.
More than anything she wanted to know for certain how and why they looked that way, but ultimately, her professionalism won out, “Can I get the three of you anything to drink?”
“Coffee” they all said in unison, as if it were rehearsed.
“Well alright then. I’ll go grab a fresh pot for you three.” She left awkwardly, still having no idea who she had just talked to.
The metallic man attempted to break the already awkward nature of their meeting, “I see you guys are starting to look different as well. That woman in Noss’ head didn’t warn us about anything like this.”
“Must be a side effect of being out on our own, and not exactly a manageable one at that. You guys saw how that waitress was looking at us, right? We can’t keep going out in public like this.” the glass Noss complained.
The wooden Noss sat awkward and quiet for a moment before chiming in, “I… think we need to talk to Noss again. I’m… starting to get the feeling that we can’t perform each of our roles properly if we aren’t all working together in the same body.”
“Seriously?” Glass Noss pointed a finger across the table, “Weren’t you the one who brought up the idea of breaking out in the first place? And now you want to go back all of a sudden?”
Wooden Noss remained silent, already regretting his involvement in the conversation.
Glass Noss continued, “I promise you, we don’t need him anymore! We were fortunate enough to each get a copy of his phone and wallet when we left the mirror so… maybe we just need to keep in touch with each other more than we have been. Maybe this is happening because our agenda isn’t cohesive enough. Maybe she thinks we’re all becoming too… different or something.”
“I don’t think that’s quite it.” Metal Noss interjected, “She said she wanted us to ‘embrace our potentials beyond just mere personas.’ I’m not sure what that means, but I’m left to wonder if these… new looks are actually intentional.”
“Whether it’s intentional or not, it’s certainly inconvenient. How am I supposed to live my new, independent life if I look like a fucking champagne bottle. And I can’t imagine looking like a can of soup is doing you much good either.”
Though he didn’t like being compared to a tin can, Metal Noss didn’t have much of an argument here. As validating as a unique appearance was in defining his independence from the original Noss, the metallic look still had its drawbacks.
“Oh! Speaking of which, how’s the accountant work going, Tinny?” Glass Noss asked, amused with himself after coming up with the punny nickname on the fly.
“Firstly, do not call me ‘Tinny’. I do not like it. Secondly, it’s going… okay. Before I started to look too much like this, I went out to lunch with Mr. Gilmour and Mr. Mason the other day. At one point, Mr. Gilmour mentioned that he’d like to establish a new position for me alongside Mr. Mason, rather than beneath him. I’ll have more responsibilities, but that’ll mean more income for us, and more fulfillment at work for me.”
“That sounds great, but… isn’t your appearance going to be a problem?” Glass Noss asked.
“It may, but at the moment it hasn’t. I’ve asked for some extensive work from home time, so I’ve been working from a motel room and some various cafes for the time being. Still, I need to figure something out about this ‘Metal’ look. That waitress was certainly not the first person to look at me like that.”
“I see. Well, you’re doing well, and you’re working on a plan, so I think we can consider that good news for the most part. See Driftwood, I told you, we don’t need Noss for this!” Glass Noss exclaimed.
“Hmm… maybe you have a point. Do we all have good results though? What about you? How’s Ginny doing?” Wooden Noss asked.
Glass Noss looked away, “Well, I ran into Ginny and tried explaining the whole ‘Lia’ thing to her, but… she wasn’t having it, even when I apologized. I asked if she wanted to go out for a coffee sometime to talk things over, but she said she can’t because she’s been busier with work lately. I think it’s over between us.”
Wooden Noss doubled back to his original stance, “See, that’s what I’m getting at here! Maybe we really do need to ask Noss for advice.”
“I already told you, we don’t need Noss! And on top of that, I don’t need Ginny either! I can get some more dates planned with some new girls. In case you haven’t noticed, we live right in the middle of a very lively city after all. Ginny’s old news at this point.”
Wooden Noss bit his tongue, wondering if he had asserted himself a bit too much, especially since he didn’t have his own backup plan.
Noticing his apprehension, Glass Noss took the opportunity to press him about it, “What about you, huh? You’ve been stuck doing house chores for over a week now, right? How’s that going?”
“Well, that’s where my desire to talk to Noss comes in. The housework is fine, and I’ve even done some extra chores, since I have the time these days to do so. However… his little sister, Norah, seems suspicious of me. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong and at this point I’m afraid of being found out.”
Suddenly, Metal Noss chimed in, “Found out? This may sound strange, but… would there really be anything wrong with that? I mean… sure, I’ve taken his place at work, but that’s so we can keep making money. And…” He paused for a moment, unsure of what to call his colleague, “Glass here has already moved on from Ginny to find someone new. Right now, all you’re doing is keeping Noss’ family in the dark about us. What makes you think that you need to keep doing that?”
“He has a point. We’re not Noss after all.” Glass Noss added with a subtle slight in his tone.
“Well… to be honest, I have wondered about that, as much as it terrifies me to think of my purpose as… pointless. But then I noticed this…” Wooden Noss pulled at his collar to reveal a spot of dark, rotting wood on and around his collarbone. “I noticed this the morning after his little sister started giving me weird looks. I wonder if this is happening because I’m not doing a good enough job. Like… I’m not replacing Noss well enough. And because of that, I’m being… erased.”
“I see…” Metal Noss rolled up his suit sleeve to reveal a patch of rust on his forearm. “I noticed this too, but I haven’t thought about it as much as you have. Glass, is this happening to you too?” He looked across the table towards the remaining Noss.
“Huh? No, I’ve been completely fine!” He waved his hand in front of him as if to brush this development away like it didn’t matter, “I wouldn’t worry about it you guys, I think we just need to keep a lower profile and everything will be fine. And hey, maybe if we get some really good body paints, we can cover up our skin so we can look more presentable in public.”
Metal and Wooden Noss looked at each other. As strange as it would be to have to walk around in body paint all day, they didn’t have any alternatives at that point.
Glass Noss continued, “Let’s just keep in touch, and we’ll be fine. We have phones to communicate, and we even have copies of his wallet so we can spend money from our shared account for the time being. The way I see it, we’re doing quite alright for ourselves! I assure you we do NOT need him!”
The waitress returned with a pot of coffee, and some mugs on a tray, “Sorry for the wait, here’s a fresh coffee pitc- OH NO!” The tray lost balance, and the pitcher fell towards Glass Noss. Most of the coffee had landed on the table, but some had managed to splash his legs.
“Ahh! Dammit!”
“I’m so sorry! Here, use this!” The waitress handed him a small hand towel from her apron. “I’ll get some more towels.” She rushed off as Glass Noss began to clean himself up.
“Are you alright?” The other two asked.
Glass Noss grumbled, “Take a guess you idiots, I’ve got hot coffee on my fucking lap!” He then proceeded to smash a fist onto the table out of anger, a reaction that wasn’t particularly surprising given the situation. What was surprising however was what broke the very next moment.
The three froze in place as they watched what was once a hand now fly off in every direction, broken into several shards. After a moment of stunned silence, Metal Noss voiced the thought that all three of them had come to at the same time, “We don’t need Noss. But… maybe we do need to talk to that woman again.”
After another minute, the waitress emerged from the kitchen, now with her manager behind her. “Sir are you al…right?” Upon arriving at the booth again, all that was left was the spilled coffee, a bunched up hand towel, and several shards of broken glass.
“Hmmm… I was going to offer them a free meal for the trouble.” The manager said. “Daisy, let’s get this cleaned up, we still have a lunch rush to take care of.”
“Yes sir…” She looked back to the table, now even more curious than she was when the three men were still there.
But I didn’t bring them any glasses…
…
~~ Page 4 ~~